Connecting with Teens: The Key to Navigating Parenthood in Malta

Picture this: a typical evening in Msida. The bustling streets are quieting down, and in one of the old apartment blocks, a mother and her teenage son are locked in a silent standoff. She’s trying to understand his sudden mood swings, he’s trying to figure out how to express his feelings. This isn’t an uncommon scene in Malta, where families are navigating the complex waters of teenage years. But what if there was a way to turn these moments into opportunities for connection?

Understanding the Teenage Brain

First, let’s understand what’s happening in that teenage brain. Dr. Gordon Neufeld, a Vancouver-based psychologist, explains that teenagers are in a unique developmental stage where their emotions are more intense, and their brains are wired for connection. This is why they might seem moody one moment and clingy the next. It’s not about them being hormonal or difficult; it’s about them needing to feel connected.

Connection over Control

So, how do we connect with our teenagers? Neufeld suggests moving away from the traditional parent-teen dynamic, where parents are the authority figures and teens are the ones who need to be controlled. Instead, he proposes a ‘connection-based’ approach, where parents and teens are allies, working together to navigate the challenges of teenage years.

This might mean having open conversations about their day, their friends, their dreams. It might mean being there for them when they’re feeling down, without trying to ‘fix’ their problems. It might mean letting them make their own decisions, even if they’re not the ones we would make. Because, as Neufeld puts it, “connection is the context within which change happens.”

Local Initiatives: Connecting with our Teens

Malta is not short of initiatives that foster connection between parents and teens. The ‘Parenting in the Digital Age’ workshops by the Malta Council for Economic and Social Development (MCESD) are a great example. These workshops, held in various locations around Malta, including the St. Aloysius College in Birkirkara, equip parents with the skills to navigate the digital world with their teens.

Another initiative is the ‘Parenting with Love and Logic’ courses by the Family Life Centre. These courses, held in locations like the St. Joseph Hall in Msida, teach parents how to communicate effectively with their teens, encouraging responsibility and cooperation.

But connection doesn’t always have to happen in structured settings. A simple walk along the Sliema Promenade, an ice cream at the Gelateria San Gelato in Valletta, or a shared meal at a local trattoria like Trattoria A Dar in Rabat can be just as effective in fostering connection.

Remember, every moment is an opportunity for connection. It’s not about being the perfect parent, it’s about being present, being understanding, and being there. Because, as Maltese author Immanuel Mifsud puts it, “Il-hajja tiegħu jkun jkunx jkunx” – your presence is your present.